The is no higher calling than a life of service. What do I do for a living? I am a stay at home mom. I am in the service industry, my customer base just happens to be smaller than the rest of the world. My job is 24/7, but it has the greatest perks, I do after all get to be my own boss.
I don't know if you've ever owned a business or intimately known somebody who does. When I was in high school my parents bought a business. Our dinner time conversations centered around the business, everything revolved around it. We couldn't get away from it, it followed us on vacations, and I know even when my parents weren't talking about it (which wasn't often) it was still in the back of their minds.
Being a stay at home mom is kind of like a business. Except we're not dealing with solely money, we are dealing with the very shaping of people. We are raising the next generation, we are raising the politicians, doctors, business men, works, designers, developers... When we look at our children we are overwhelmed by the responsibility of raising this little person with their own minds & ideas into a person who will positively affect the world. Who will be a leader, a team player, independent, honest people of integrity. You thought your job description was heavy, I could screw up the world!!! I bet you never considered that possibility!
So, what does a stay at home mom do? Well, today I woke up at 7:30, not early for many of you, if you're my husband that's actually sleeping in! I took a shower, because I like to smell nice for my man, he's a huge part of my customer base! Followed by telling my munchkins to get dressed. Two of them listen, but of course not the one who has school today! So I get the kids their cereal, while they eat I pack my son's lunch. Then I draw a picture for inside his lunch, I am no artist, but the first day I packed his lunch I realized the boy can't read, and therefore our notes gotta be a little more creative. Today it's his favorite, a picture of my heart with him & me inside it. It was going to be just him, but he wanted me to add myself.
So I get the boy dressed and look at the clock, thinking we're doing alright. "Yes, you can finish your castle." Get the kids into the car. My daughter in the typical two year old fashion has to do everything herself. Oh, no we're going to be late. We get to school, I'm praying that today there will be no tears. I remind my son that daddy will take him on a really long bike ride if he doesn't cry. He still doesn't want to go to school, but decides to go since he can't stand the thought of daddy taking his brother & not him. (don't worry, he was going to school even if he didn't want to, it's non negotiable.) We're half way to his classroom and the bell rings, we're late, thanks to miss independent. Guess I need to give us more time to get here, note to self. We get to my son's classroom, he stand in the door with a frown face, but doesn't cry... I walk away, he comes back out, "Mama, Mrs. Grafenauer isn't there." Great, the first day he's going to go into his classroom without crying his teacher isn't here & there's a sub. I walk him back in & his little friend tells us the teacher is stuck in a meeting, since that's acceptable to Dominic he stays in his class, although the last thing I saw was his frown face. But it's ok because I know he's going to have fun. I'm actually elated, no tears, no peeling a kid off me & running for the door. We did it!!!
That's just the first hour of day... Within that short description I left out the sibling fighting, the trying to find shoes, the little girl that didn't make it to the bathroom in time & peed on the floor. There is the list in my head of a million things that I need to get done before the end of the day & the reality that of that list I'll probably only get a handful done. Then there is the constant questioning & evaluating. How do I handle sibling rivalry? This worked yesterday, but not today. Why is so & so whining? Am I even any good at this parenting thing? Raising children is scarey. You will never question yourself so often and yet be so sure that you're doing the right thing. Because you're constantly wanting to do it better, to be a better mother, wife, friend. Nothing will grow you or stretch you as much as motherhood. I've only been doing it for just over five and a half years and I know I have so much more to learn, so many more questions & trials to face.
When I became a mother I thought I knew everything. I thought I was going to have the perfect little kids. I had a list of all those things that my kids will never! Oh, sister, eat your words!!! Motherhood will humble you like nothing else! And it's so beautiful & ugly all at once. You will wake up and think one minute you're a awesome mother, then next you're the worst mother & person in the world! It's a roller coaster full of ups & downs, turns & swirls, dives & climbs.
Motherhood is all consuming, like a business. You have to figure out how to maintain who you are outside this all consuming pleasure. You have to remember that you have a name other than "Mama." It's a constant battle to balance who you are with what you do. You are not your children, your identity cannot be in them. But motherhood is the best business in the world. I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I am blessed to get the walk this tight rope, because it has made me a better person. It has blessed my life with more love & satisfaction than I could have ever dreamed of. And I am so thankful to my husband for making this family one that is to be envied, because no home could be full of more love, support & joy... Although I would love a little order of peace & quiet on the side, but that will come someday, little people just weren't made for silence!
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