Ramblings

It's hard to believe that another school year is coming to a close. This has been the hardest school year ever for me. I have also learned a lot and grown a lot. I do not like to grow, although I know it is essential! 

I have said over and over that I love our school. I will say it again, I do love our school. But just because I love the people there doesn't mean it's a good fit for all my children. School doesn't get out until next Thursday, but Dominic has been out of school for about two weeks now. Or maybe it's just been a week and the prior week was the foreshadowing week, I honestly can't remember at this moment. You see, that scary word, homeschool, has been something running through my mind throughout this entire year. It's the back up plan, the if I really have to do it then I will plan. It's now the plan for next year...

Dominic for whatever reason is done. School was not working for him... He is extremely bright, but the box just doesn't fit everybody. We spent an entire school year walking this out, making adjustments, trying new things. But then when it came down to the end of it, there was nowhere else to go. I realized I could continue to try to make this work, to try and shove you in this box, but what I came to realize is that the box is just not meant for you. In about a matter of a week I saw that this wasn't going to work and I saw that if I tried to make it work it was my boy who was going to be hurt. Since we all know that's not an option, we are starting a new adventure. 

This coming fall I will be homeschooling my oldest child. My middle child will be going to first grade at public school and my youngest will be in preschool. There will be no category in life to describe our life choices. I will not be a home school mom, or a public school mom, or just a preschool mom. I will be simply a mom... A mom trying to juggle what is best for each of my three very unique amazing little people. I'm not exactly sure where that makes me fit in the scope of motherhood, because people seem to always want to put mother's in boxes too. It begins from the time that you see those two pink lines on a pregnancy test. You are a "first time" mom, then you choose to be a "working" or "stay at home" mom. We put labels on everything and frankly the labels don't work. You are never defined by just one thing, yet we draw these silly lines in the sand. 

I've never really been a fan of labels or lines in the sand or anything along those lines. So the thought of being a little of everything doesn't scare me too much... Until I think at night, who is going to want to hang out with a girl that is being pulled so many directions and doesn't fit any one lifestyle? I'm not kidding, stupid things like that keep me up, I even texted one of my girlfriends and made her promise to still hang out with me even though I'm going to be homeschooling. Really, we've been friends probably over a decade now and I feel the need to make sure she'll still like me??? Yep, I'm a crazy woman! But I guess when life is changing sometimes you gotta make sure that you still got people on your side, and I say that because I have had my friends carry me through many hard times and I've carried them too. 

As I've delved into next year I've gone through so many emotions. But the overwhelming emotion is relief. I know me and I know my kids. I know it will be different and hard, but also in a more important aspect it will be rewarding and fun. I am excited for next year, I have no idea what exactly it will look like. I have thoughts, but until I'm there I really have no idea. I worry about how I'm going to make it to the things that have always been fulfilling and important to me. But somehow I will make it to Gabe's class once a week and hopefully MOPS. 

In the last week or so it has been so nice having Dominic home. I'm confident that Dominic will keep turning back more and more into the Dominic that we have always known and loved. He had a rough time at school and was starting to become very angry with the world. I know that this is not my boy, and in the short time that we've decided on our life change I've seen him slowly getting happier. Do I expect him to be perfect, definitely not! He will still be full of more energy than I could ever hope to harness, he will still be distracted by the wind, he will still sing around the house at the top of his lungs (we really are working on harnessing the noise), and he will still rage at the injustices of the world and still fight with his siblings, hopefully less... But the undercurrent of his life will be joy. And that is all I could ever ask for.