Pray for my Mama

I praise you because I am fearfully & wonderfully made;

Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Psalm 139:14

I am fearfully & wonderfully made.  We are all fearfully & wonderfully made.  God knew this day before I ever had breath in my body.  He knew the trials I would face.  And he knows me, you... My mother.  He knows my Mama.  He knit her together in her mother's womb.  He put together every piece of flesh.  Fearfully made.  How can you look at the intricacies of the human body and not know that there is a God?  How can you not be in awe of the one who created us?  Not only did he create us, he created us in his image.  Awe.  

And sin.  Sin entered this world, through the act of two people disregarding what God said to them.  As a kid I always thought, why did Adam & Eve eat the fruit?  It was all so simple in my little mind.  It's still pretty simple, but I know if they hadn't eaten the fruit somebody was bound to.  Sin.  It's a tricky little thing.  Disguised to look so fun, innocent, easy.  And because of sin we will never on this earth know a perfect world.  With sin, entered disease.  

Disease.  I started journaling when I was a little girl.  I was about 7 years old and my dad was dying of cancer.  I've read my journals from that time of my life, my first journal.  You would see a little girl, coping with this horrific thing called cancer.  A girl bargaining with God, not understanding it all.  But a little girl with faith.  Faith that even in this God had a plan.  Well, 20 years later I am still journaling, and we're on our knees again to battle cancer.  My Mama has breast cancer, we just found out.

Cancer.  The word itself brings up all kinds of emotions in my heart.  I know that breast cancer isn't at all like lymphoma, what my dad died of.  But the word itself brings out the irrational, and sometimes rational, fears.  I cannot help but war in my head.  The logic vs. faith vs. modern medicine vs. little 7 year old girl vs. 27 year old woman.  

Add to that, waiting.  They move fast when cancer is found, but it's not nearly fast enough for the family involved.  We find out Friday, mom has appointment with doctor Tuesday with an MRI to follow, surgical consult on Thursday.  But that gives me 4 days of what's the plan, I know the general plan, but is it going to go as planned.  Four days to war in my head with not all the information.  To have the struggle of flesh vs. faith.  Every few minutes it switches whose winning.  

I sit and cry.  Then I run scripture through my head.  I am fearfully & wonderfully made...  I know the plans I have for you...  I knit  you together in your mother's womb...  I am fearfully & wonderfully made.  I knit you together in your mother's womb.  I distract myself.  I am numb.  I am strong, I am weak.  I am mad.  I believe God will heal her.  I'm scared that maybe that's not God's plan.  I know God will heal her.  God, why are we doing this again?  You won't give us anything we cannot handle.  Lord, I cannot handle this.  

So, what do I know.  All I know at this point is one, my Mama is fearfully & wonderfully made & God knit her together in her mother's womb.  God is the great physician.  He has the power to heal my Mama.  He knows her inmost being, her flesh, her spirit, her soul.  She is his daughter.  Two, God knew this day before my Mama had breath, before I had breath.  And He knows what this season holds for my Mama & our family.  And finally three, we have a wonderful group of friends & family that is willing to step up and pray for us, especially my Mama.  So, if you're reading this, you are my friend and please pray for my Mama.  Pray for God's healing.  And know that God's Will will be done.  His good & perfect will.  And that we can be a testimony of who He is.  And pray for healing.